I grew up in a dynamic and spirited household, shaped by the unique bond my parents shared as both doctors and business leaders. Despite their political differences — my mother, a proud Democrat, and my father, a steadfast Republican — they found common ground in their shared passions for healing and entrepreneurship. Our dinner table often became a lively debate stage, where discussions about governmental policies were served alongside the mashed potatoes. The conversations were anything but dull, and though sparks often flew, they always ended in laughter, reminding me that love transcends even the most passionate differences.
Fast forward to now — what we see in this political climate feels much less forgiving. The stakes seem higher, the divides deeper, and the laughter at the table harder to come by. As a psychotherapist and someone who continues to navigate the complexities of a politically diverse family system, I’ve seen how polarization can strain relationships. But I also know that it doesn’t have to be this way. With some intention and effort, families can come together despite their differences.
Here’s how to keep politics from ruining your holiday.
Set Boundaries Before the Meal
One of the most effective ways to prevent political tension is to set boundaries before anyone takes their seat at the table. Setting your boundary doesn’t have to be a formal announcement, but a casual message instead — like a group text. An example text could be: “I am looking forward to the holidays! Let’s focus on food, gratitude, and each other — no politics at the table this year.” It’s a simple way to set the tone and allow everyone to shift the focus.
If you’re the host, consider setting an example by steering conversations in neutral, inclusive directions. As tempting as it might be to make a sly political jab (especially if Uncle Joe arrives in his favorite campaign hat), resist the urge. Remember: Boundaries aren’t about controlling others; they’re about creating an environment where everyone feels safe and respected.
Practice Empathy
Empathy can feel like a tall order when someone’s views clash with your own, but it’s also a powerful tool for diffusing tension. Instead of focusing on the disagreement, try to understand the emotion or value driving the other person’s perspective. Maybe their opinion about an issue stems from fear, frustration, or a desire to protect their community.
Empathy doesn’t mean you have to agree; it means you’re willing to listen and see the humanity behind their beliefs. This approach can transform a heated exchange into a meaningful conversation — or help you gracefully disengage when the conversation isn’t productive. And if finding empathy feels impossible, take a moment to ask yourself why you’re engaging in the first place and how you can best hone to your own needs. Sometimes, the most compassionate act is stepping away to tend to yourself.
Use Humor (Wisely)
Humor was the glue that held my family together when debates got heated. A well-placed joke can diffuse tension, redirect a conversation, or simply remind everyone that we’re all human. For example, if someone insists on bringing up a contentious topic, you might respond with, “Are you sure we’re not better off debating which pie is best? Because I’m Team Pecan all the way.” That said, humor works best when it’s lighthearted and inclusive — not sarcastic or pointed. The goal is to lighten the mood, not escalate or minimize the situation.
Focus on Shared Values
One of the biggest traps families fall into is focusing on their differences rather than their common ground. While you might disagree on politics, chances are you share many of the same values: love for family, concern for the future, and a desire for connection. Redirect conversations to these shared values whenever possible. For example, instead of arguing about policies, talk about your broader hopes for your community or the world. If someone shares a story about a political issue they care about, try to connect with the underlying emotion or concern, even if you don’t see eye to eye on the specifics.
Know When to Step Away
Sometimes, despite your best efforts, a conversation turns for the worse. In these moments, stepping away is okay — literally or figuratively. Excuse yourself to grab a drink, help in the kitchen, or check on the kids. Taking a physical break can give you time to regroup and prevent escalating situations.
If stepping away isn’t an option, try pivoting the conversation with a neutral phrase like, “I understand what you’re saying, but I’d love to hear about [insert safe topic]!” It’s not about avoiding difficult topics forever but recognizing when a holiday meal isn’t the right time for them.
Remember the Bigger Picture
In the end, holidays are about connection. They’re a time to celebrate what unites us — not what divides us. If a conversation veers off course, take a moment to reflect on what really matters: the people around the table. When I think back to those spirited debates at my childhood dinner table, I don’t remember who “won” or what exact points were made. What I remember is the laughter, the love, and the unshakable sense that family came first.
In these polarized times, it’s easy to feel like the distance between us is insurmountable. However, families can find their way back to each other with a little empathy, humor, and intentionality. The holidays are an opportunity to practice exactly that — and prove that connection is always possible even in the most divided times.
So this year, try to focus on the feast, not the friction. Pass the gravy, share a laugh, and let politics take a backseat — at least until dessert!
2024-12-10 19:59:29
